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Simple girl with not-so-simple thinking.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Losing.. The Faith..

As I started my work today..I recalled I was supposed to call up one of my friends.
She'd been on leave for the last three days and none of our common friends knew why. Usual Bangalore Viral.. I assumed.
She answered the phone, a very meek voice replied. That was her usual, being the polite yet giggly girl that she is. But this time, it sounded unusually low..it rather sounded choked. I tried to pull a joke asking if she ate any ice creams to make her throat go haywire.

There was no answer.

Something had happened...my heart suddenly sunk imagining all possibilities.
When I asked again, she said she'd lost her brother-in-law...the father of her 17 year old nephew.. her elder sister's husband.
I don't know how long I was speechless, I guess my brain just did not know what to ask, say or suggest. I ended up asking, "What are you doing in office then!?" She said she was short of leave and that she couldn't afford to take any more off-s.

She really needed to talk. Rather, I needed to talk to her and tell her that I was there and that things will lighten up. In fact, while I walked to her, I did not know what to say..what CAN possibly make things look better.
I was greeted by a pair of swollen eyes. She'd clearly been up for many days.
But, with my first sentence of condolence she replied saying, "Its fine. I have gotten used to this."
I was gaping at her.

She went on, "I had lost my father 10 years ago, then my first sister's husband 5 years later and now my second sister facing the same thing...Deepti, I know its part of life..but doesn't this sound a little too unfair?"
I kept looking at her face not knowing where to start. I had no idea she'd faced all this in the past. I could feel a lump in my throat.

She just forced a smile saying, "Its fine. Please don't feel bad. I myself don't know what to feel. Its scary that I don't feel anything anymore. Its kind of an overdose."
These words of hers froze me into my chair. I did not know what to say or how to react.
If I am right, she is few years younger to me and she has faced so much misery. I know, we all know, life and death is all a cycle. But, at such a time, no belief can comfort you.
She said, she had faith in God and that things always did light up gradually. But I could see that these unfortunate incidences had now formed a paranoia, that all men left the family in a mishap. It was daunting.

I spoke to her for a while and could see that nothing helped. She needed time. I told her I was right by her whenever she wanted to talk.
As I walked back to my seat, I prayed for her. But I will always remember her eyes, swollen with fear, grief and the worst... the loss of faith.


Abhishek said...

If someone who has not seen the death of a family member, possibly can't imagine the pain. Four years back my father died right in front of my eyes. I was still in college that time and didn't know how will things go from that point.

We don't get to make all the decisions of our lives, somethings are left for time and fate. But you have belive that things will get alright. Because there is no other way.

I feel sorry for your friend. She had to bear too much.

-Abhishek , HP

Dee said...

Oh.. I am so sorry to hear this Abhishek..
You're really strong to have faced and move on with something like that.
I know when a close one goes away..we have no choice but to move on.. but we always know there's a void..
Take care.

A S said...

hi Dee and Abhishek

I would like to share a similar incident that happened to me on this new year 1.1.09.
I had a very good and close friend who was too bright and promising. I had not spoken to him since past few days. I thought of calling him and wishing him happy new year. I kept thinking for 2 days and finally as I picked up my phone to call him, it started ringing, our common friend was on the other end. he had called me up to inform me about the death of that very friend of mine I was about to call. I literally froze for a moment; my dear friend had met with an accident and had died on the very spot. :(

life shows different times, one can only accept it as a wish of the god.
and really so sorry for u Abhishek. may ur father's soul rest in peace.

Dee said...

O my god.. Thats really sad. I am so sorry for your friend.
I know a person as well, who lost his son during this new year's. It really takes a toll on the parents as well to see such a unfortunate fate.
May all their souls res in peace.